


A Bird In The Hand

by theweddingofthefoxes



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, classic kylux bitching at each other, egg parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-07 13:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10361553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theweddingofthefoxes/pseuds/theweddingofthefoxes
Summary: The discovery of a rare egg has Kylo Ren and General Hux competing for ownership--the creature inside will basically ensure its owner all the wealth they'll ever need. So who's going to get to keep it?





	1. Chapter 1

The egg sat on the table, looking for all the world like a sea-weathered stone, dull grey flecked with brown and green. It was a bit too large and heavy to hold in a single hand, but two hands seemed just right. There wasn’t a wealth of information on the species of bird that had lain it, but Hux and Ren were told what was known by the Finalizer’s chief biology expert, Dr. Casu.

“They have some rather interesting properties,” she said, touching the egg gently, as though she wanted to reassure it, or perhaps get its permission before talking about it. Ren had come upon it when he and a select group of troopers had been sent on a mission by Hux to a moon that had been half-heartedly colonized for a few years before being abandoned. Extreme weather conditions and stubborn, stony soil made it hard for the First Order to make much use of it, besides maybe a place to throw exiles, but apparently some pretty rare species could be found there. It hadn’t been much more than a rumor until this last mission, but now…

“What kind of properties?” Hux asked. 

“Well, there’s a reason that they’re sometimes called gem-spitters,” Dr. Casu answered. “They don’t have teeth or gizzards, so they swallow rocks to help crush up their food. The minerals in their stomach line the rocks and solidify, and they throw them up--only now, the rocks look like gems.”

“So they vomit precious stones, is what you’re saying?” 

“Essentially. They’re not true gems, you know, they’re just rocks with a mineral lining. But they’re beautiful. And very hard to find.”

“As valuable as gems, then.” Hux bent to examine the dull, thick shell of the egg, tapped it softly with one gloved finger. 

“I’m not an economist, sir. I couldn’t say exactly what value you could place on them. But rest assured, they’re not easy to find. The owner of such a creature would have something like a wealth machine.”

Hux straightened. “Precisely what the First Order needs, to further its cause.” He flicked his eyes not-so-subtly toward Ren, who was hanging back but close by, seeming to be watching the egg--though there was no way to know where he was ever looking with the mask on. “I don’t suppose you have a place for it?”

“Well, that depends on who’s taking care of it,” Dr. Casu said, frowning. “They--they imprint very strongly as chicks, we’ve learned, on the first living thing they see when they hatch. I suppose one of the junior biologists can--”

“I found it,” Ren cut in, his vocoder-altered voice crackling with confidence. “It belongs to me.”

“It belongs to the Order,” Hux snapped. 

“That’s just your way of saying it belongs to you, General, and it doesn’t. I’m the one who found it. Any of the Knights can confirm--”

“The Knights are your puppets, they’d back you up if you claimed you were half-Wookie. And regardless of any of that, it doesn’t matter, because I did not send you on this mission for personal gain.” 

Truthfully, he’d sent Ren and the others on this mission to keep Ren out of his hair for a day cycle, under the pretense that the moon needed to be investigated for potential use in the future. A little reverse psychology (“...unless, of course, you think a mission of this caliber is too dangerous for you and your minions…”) had him out the door so fast Hux’s hat nearly spun in his wake. 

“I sent you to seek intel for the First Order and eliminate any threats, not go shopping for valuables,” Hux went on.

“That’s absolute nonsense,” Ren growled. “I made a discovery--”

“On First Order territory!”

“--and the egg belongs to _me_ , General. If it imprints on me--”

“--I’ll take it away immediately.”

Dr. Casu cleared her throat. “I--I would not recommend that course of action, sir.”

Hux turned his scowl up to full blast as he moved to face her, his hands clasped behind his back. “And what would the reason for that be?”

She didn’t flinch, to her credit. “The gem-spitters--they--in captivity, it’s imperative they remain with their ‘parent’ until they reach maturity, General. Separating them will cause them to panic, and they can grow ill with fear. They don’t produce any gems, and they’re more susceptible to dying in captivity…”

Hux sighed. “So whoever the creature imprints upon has to keep it with them all the time?”

“Well, only until it reaches maturity.”

“And how long does that take?” Ren asked. 

The biologist chewed on her lower lip. “It varies, but generally somewhere between two and three months. After they reach their mature stage, they can be moved or sold or placed elsewhere.”

Hux didn’t hesitate. “Ren, you’ll have missions to go on.”

“You’ll assign me on missions, you mean.”

“If it imprints on you, I won’t risk the thing’s life for the sake of an unnecessary outing. It’s too valuable. But I don’t intend to let it imprint on you, so the point is moot. Besides, I cannot _imagine_ entrusting you with the responsibility of keeping a living thing alive.”

There was a hard, frustrated crackle to the vocoder as Ren answered, too loud and too fast. “I’ve had enough of your assumptions, General, there’s no need to insult my ability to--”

“Is this a self-esteem issue? You’re perfectly good at destroying, with precision and unmatched strength. Does that make you feel better about yourself? The fact remains that I don’t trust you with something fragile.”

Dr. Casu was beginning to look utterly desperate for a means of escape from the room.

“I--” she began, and both Hux and Ren looked at her, expectant. A flush crept up her neck as she offered her suggestion. “I would like to request permission to make a suggestion.”

There was an inhale-exhale length of silence, and then Hux snapped, “Permission granted to speak freely, Doctor.”

“The egg has to be kept close to other warm-blooded living beings to grow and develop. Sitting like this, now, it doesn’t hurt it, but it slows the growth of the chick. The more time it spends with a warm living thing, the more likely it is to hatch sooner.” She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “So perhaps the commanders could take turns keeping the egg close and warm, so neither would be prevented from performing their duties, and both would have an even shot of being the one the chick imprints upon.”

Another brief pause, and then Ren asked, “Would that require us to sit on it?”

Hux was certain he was wearing a shit-eating grin under that helmet of his. 

“No,” said Dr. Casu. “No, nothing like--just near living warmth. In a pocket, or a pouch. The more, the better.”

Hux felt himself grind his back teeth as he thought it over. On one hand, he absolutely had to have this thing. Near-unlimited wealth in the First Order’s coffers--not to mention his own--was worth basically any short-lived embarrassment. On the other hand, he tried to imagine himself crafting some sort of swaddling for an egg to wear around and couldn’t quite manage it. He’d have to work something else out. 

“And then if you do get imprinted upon, you’ll have to keep the gem-spitter near you at all times until it reaches maturity,” Dr. Casu continued. “It may interrupt your work. They aren’t difficult to care for, but they are rather demanding. They must be fed and--and--”

“Temporarily,” Hux said dismissively. It sounded as though it would be similar to caring for his spoiled cat, Millicent. Millicent! Hux had forgotten about the possible trouble she could cause. He’d have to figure out how to keep the baby bird away from Millie if he did get imprinted on. She’d think the thing was a snack, and then he’d have no one but himself to blame if it got gobbled up. Well, he could always cordon her off, have a birdcage made to house the thing. “Only temporarily. If what you’ve said is true, Doctor, this is a sound investment.” He turned to Ren. “What do you think of her proposition?”

Ren regarded Hux, then the egg, for a long moment. “A daily trade-off, perhaps. Every 24 hour cycle, we’ll switch.”

“Done,” Hux said crisply. “I’ll even allow you the first shift, Commander. Bring it back to me exactly one day cycle from now.”

He felt Ren prod at him with the Force, sensing a trap. It was, of course, not generosity. It seemed unlikely to Hux that the gem-spitter would hatch within the first 24 hours, so there was no harm in letting Ren take it. 

“How _kind_ of you, General,” Ren said, the vocoder unable to hide the sarcasm in his voice. He picked the egg up off the table with a sort of gentleness that Hux had never seen, holding it with both hands, and then glided out of the room without another word.


	2. Chapter 2

A living warmth, Dr. Casu had said. Somehow, the phrasing had sounded a bit mystical, like a requirement for a spell to be cast. The warmth of a living thing...

Ren sat down on his bed and placed the egg in his lap and bent down, wrapping his arms around it. There was no warmth within, no movement, no indication whatsoever that this wasn't just some stupid speckled rock. Maybe, Ren thought hopefully, Hux would be frustrated by this apparent lack of growth or inner life, and maybe give up. Ren knew better. He had been able to sense something in there--nothing huge or obvious, but a little peep of something. Something wanting to be cared for.

"You," he told the egg aloud, resting one hand on the pebbled surface. "Are going to make me so much money."

Conquest, power, those were the best currency in the galaxy--Hux knew that as well. But if growing up at Han Solo's knee had taught him anything, it was the value of a well-placed bribe, and why waste the First Order's ammunition on someone who could just as easily be bought? 

Not to mention the mere selfish bragging rights of owning such a rare creature. Force-users were rare creatures too, and besides, Hux already had a pet, a cat with a personality to match her master's--fussy, nosy, and with claws bared. Suppose Millicent took a bite of the gem-spitter? It would be hilarious to see how Hux upset would be, if it wasn't so upsetting to Ren, too. 

Well, that was a bridge that he could cross when he got to it. For now, he had to keep the egg warm. Did water count as living warmth? Surely it couldn't hurt...

Ren filled the basin in his refresher with hot water--not scalding, stars, he wasn't trying to hard-boil it--but warm, the kind of warm that felt clean and safe. "Don't expect much in the way of paternal instinct," he warned the egg, setting it in the water. "I mostly just want to win."

He listened to the gentle thrum of the Force around them, because, he supposed, he was counting the egg as an entity now. Especially since he was talking to it. There, faintly, was the same animal peeping of the life inside the egg that he had heard when he'd stolen it from its planet. _care! care! care!_ Well, good, it wasn't panicking, so he wasn't cooking it by accident.

"Look, at least you're getting the win-win of the situation," he continued. "Having two people falling all over themselves to care for you better. Most of us have no idea what _that's_ like."

Begrudgingly, he added. 

"And the general will take good care of you too. If only because he wants to win too."

He nudged it with his fingers so that it rolled a bit, so that the warmth was evenly distributed. Hux certainly was thorough....no doubt he was using his 24-hour head start to, oh, construct some kind of incubator pillow or something. "No substitute for living warmth, though," he said absently, watching the egg just barely float in the shallow basin. A thought prodded at him. "I guess the water's going to go cold after a bit."

When he lifted it out, it did feel warmer--almost like it had absorbed the heat of the water he'd been soaking it in. "Interesting," he commented. "You're self-insulating." Maybe the parent gem-spitters would leave the eggs for long periods of time on their own and they had to warm themselves. He'd have to ask Dr. Casu. 

"Will you hold onto your heat?" Ren said, knowing he wasn't going to get a response but unable to help it. It was awfully easy to talk to--unlike, say, his co-commander, there was no chance he'd get some biting, smart-aleck answer in response. "Only one way to find out, I guess."

A clean towel was the perfect thing to wrap around the egg--he recalled many years ago, seeing food kept warm that way on the table. He shook his head, trying to forget that odd specific little image. "Okay. Here. I'm going to...rest." It sounded strangely intimate to tell anybody he was going to bed, even an egg. He wasn't sure why he was so hung up on it, but the more he thought about it, the stranger it seemed to hand Hux something that had been living and present in his most intimate moments--something that was around while he undressed and stressed and slept. It was just weird. 

At first, he just set the bundle on the floor beside his bed, but he kept reaching out to make sure it hadn't come undone or rolled away. After he'd done this four or five times, he sat up, irritated. Enough. He grabbed the bundle, still warm from its bath, and placed it next to him in bed. Hux didn't have to know the degree of mother-birding that was happening, the way he found himself curling around the egg. 

"Too bad the general and I don't share a bed," he joked, hollow. "Then we could provide warmth from both sides."

Bad joke. Dumb joke. Ren did not have a lot of experience making them. 

Just a joke. 

Not that the general would be nice to share a bed with, surely--he seemed like he'd be a bitch about who got what pillow and would measure blanket coverage with a ruler. But the warmth....

Well, it would just complicate things. What if the egg hatched then? Who'd get it?

_Keep your eyes on the prize, Kylo._

The egg did not yet stir, but surely it would soon, right? It had to be soon. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you _sleeping with the egg?_ "

Ren thought he was dreaming at first, the all-too-familiar sound of Hux's voice. It was so close that for an instant he thought that maybe his musings of having Hux in his bed were based on some bizarre reality--had Hux really....?

But no. Hux had just barged his way into Ren's quarters after overriding the lock. It was Hux's opinion that this was _his_ ship and everything on it belonged to him, everyone else was just renting it from him. Ren groaned and rolled over to face him.

"Stars, Hux, it's always cold on this ship. If you don't want me to do that, adjust the temperature controls. I won't have this thing freeze."

Hux hummed, displeased. "You could have rolled over and crushed it, you know."

Ren laughed bitterly. "My child? I don't think so. And if you find yourself in my quarters uninvited again, you'll wish you hadn't."

"I'm shaking," Hux snapped. "At any rate, it's my turn to care for your _child_."

"Take it." Ren made no move to hand it over, so Hux had to reach across him to pluck the egg from where it lay beside him. He didn't fail to notice the way Hux's eyes flicked across Ren's bare arm, the curve of his shoulder.

"The egg will be returned to you in twenty-four hours," Hux told him, tucking it into the crook of his elbow. "In excellent condition."

"Keep it warm," Ren warned.

"I _know_ to keep it warm, that's the whole point."

"Well, just do it."

Hux rolled his eyes. "I'm needed on the bridge." He made no attempt to look away as Ren pushed off his blanket and sat up, stretching. If he was really needed that badly, Ren thought, amused, he shouldn't allow himself to be so distracted and should get going. At last Hux actually left, and it felt oddly quiet in the room, even though the egg had been silent. 

Maybe Hux was onto something with that cat. A little companion who didn't talk back. That might not be a bad side effect of having the gem-spitter for himself. Sighing, Ren got up and made his way to the refresher.

 

 

"All right, Millicent," Hux said, approaching the cat where she lay curled up in her plush bed. It was inside a little hidey-hole that was tucked beside his desk, out of sight and the same color as the furniture, so it was nearly invisible to anyone who didn't know it existed. "I have a task for you."

There was just too much to do today--reports from the intelligence officers to catch up on, inspections to oversee, a meeting with Phasma about proposed alterations to the stormtrooper program--and as much as he wanted to hatch this bird himself, he couldn't just lug it around with him. But his lazy, chubby cat was the perfect heat source for the egg. 

"It's not a toy," he told her sternly as she opened her eyes a crack, then shut them again. "Don't go batting it around. Just leave it right....here."

He tucked the egg against her stomach, and to his delight, Millicent curled up around it and fell back into a purring slumber. Holy hells, this just might work. It seemed impossible that the thing would hatch just over the course of the day, but he had to wonder what would happen if the bird imprinted on his _cat_. Well, maybe she wouldn't devour it. Maybe.

"Take care of it and you'll get treats," he promised her, scratching her head. She lifted her chin, expectant. "Be good."

The cameras he could check with his data pad did not show the inside of the cat bed--even he was not such a paranoid owner--but it did show his quarters, and he could easily tell if the egg had rolled away or, stars forbid, crack. He found himself checking every ten minutes, then every five. As soon as Hux's meeting with Phasma had finished, he power-walked off to his quarters, thankful he'd had no contact with Ren all day. The brat would no doubt want to know where the egg was, and accuse him of cheating if he found out.

Well. Not everybody had an enormous furnace of a body to wrap around an egg. Some people had to make do. 

His investment in Millicent's laziness had paid off. The cat hadn't moved an inch, and the egg was still sitting right where he'd left it, hours earlier. "That's my girl," Hux said triumphantly, drawing the cat treats out from his bedside drawer. "I guess I'm just rewarding you for not fucking up. But I do that with Kylo Ren on a daily basis."

Millie perked up at the smell of her favorite snack,and slithered out of the hideaway while Hux took the treats and sat down next to the desk, placing the egg in his lap. She'd kept it nice and warm, and maybe this was his imagination, but maybe it was retaining heat? "Aren't you warm," he told the egg, amused. Millicent yowled, letting him know he was being too slow with the treats."Yes, yes, I'm coming..."

Hux knew he ought to get up, get undressed, prepare for the next day. Set out his clothes and shower and check his data pad for any new messages, just as he did every night. But the warm little egg felt so solid and safe in his lap that he found himself unable to move. 

"Did Ren do this with you?" he asked quietly. "I don't suppose he'd be so tender. But then again....he did call you his child." He paused. "Though he might have been sarcastic."

He wondered. He didn't get up for a long time. That night, when fell asleep, he dreamt that the egg hatched and a tiny Kylo Ren was inside. He picked him up and placed a kiss on his head, and the tiny Kylo Ren spat a ruby into his hand. When he woke up, he started laughing hysterically, disturbing the cat, who had fallen asleep between him and then egg on his bed. Millie stepped onto his chest as his laughter wound down, and he stroked her head fondly.

"How absurd," he said. "How completely absurd."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I owe the image of tiny Kylo Ren to [youdidnotseeme](http://youdidnotseeme.tumblr.com/).
> 
> This will only get crackier from here, I think. One chapter to go!


	4. Chapter 4

The next few weeks fell into a pattern. Ren and Hux roped Mitaka into being their go-between, since Ren was not interested in having his quarters invaded before he'd woken up, and, as Hux put it, "I have better things to do than go retrieve the egg first thing in the morning."

(Really, he was not interested in the gross, ugly temptation of seeing Ren half-naked in bed, cuddling the egg that Hux had already mentally adopted. But he didn't have to mention that.)

So, Mitaka. They'd offered him a decent bit of cash to be the one to shuttle the egg back and forth at exactly the same time every day, to be the neutral third party that would ensure nobody was spending too long with it. It was hard to tell which of them he was more afraid to tap on the shoulder, to remind whoever it was that their time was up. But it seemed to keep things balanced and peaceful.

How ridiculous that they had to pay him, Hux thought, waiting for Mitaka to show up at the appointed time. He was Mitaka's superior, and so was Ren--shouldn't he just obey them on principle? Well, it didn't matter. The time had to be soon. The last time he had lifted the egg up and away from Millicent's fuzzy warm embrace, he'd felt--unmistakeably!--the sensation of movement. 

"Oh!" He hadn't realized how soon it was going to be. All the cat snuggles--and, well, if he was going to be honest with himself, the human snuggles--were working. There really was something inside, and soon it'd be out, spitting up gems for him....

When Mitaka came, he seemed even more hesitant and cringing than normal. The reason was obvious--he was empty-handed. Maybe Hux couldn't strangle the breath out of him with the Force, from across the room, but he sure as hell wouldn't mind doing it by hand if the occasion called for it. And the fact that he was approaching as slowly as a child who knew he was about to get a thrashing suggested he knew the occasion called for it.

"Lieutenant," Hux said, already testy. " _Where is my egg?_ "

"Commander Ren says that the egg is close to hatching, and that it was on his watch. So he, ah. Doesn't believe he should have to give it up."

"Close to hatching? How close?"

"I didn't see, sir."

"Well, we're going to have to take a look, aren't we?"

Hux swept down the hallway, Mitaka at his heels, nodding as Hux spoke. "The agreement was every 24 hours, you know. If the bird is not actually poking out of that thrice-damned egg, it does not count as having _hatched_. I don't need to be Dr. Casu to confirm that biological fact."

"Yes, sir," Mitaka agreed, because really, what else was he going to say.

Hux didn't even knock when he reached Ren's quarters, just overrode the lock and strode inside. Ren wasn't sleeping, thankfully, but he did seem a bit surprised to have been caught leaning over the blanket pile in which the uncracked, unhatched egg lay. 

"Did you turn Mitaka away?" Hux demanded. 

"It's hatching," Ren answered as Mitaka peeked out from behind Hux, looking at the egg with frightened curiosity at that. "It is hatching on my watch."

"It's hatching on _my_ watch, you ass. Does a clock no longer have meaning for you? The time for me to have the egg started twenty minutes ago and I am not granting you overtime because you felt the baby bird move."

"It's more than that!" Ren snarled.

"Are there cracks in it?"

"The bird is throwing itself around in there. It wants to hatch more than anything, its time has come--"

"If the egg isn't cracked, that's not hatching, Ren!"

"The process has begun! I can feel its energy, it's aware that it's in an egg and it wants to come out--"

"Please don't anthropomorphize. It's just a baby animal--"

"Is that any way to talk about an animal you want to take care of--?"

But they both froze at the sound of a soft crunch, like a dry leaf stepped on, and turned to look at the egg in its blanket nest. Seconds later, a light but rapid _peep peep peep_ sang out. A damp, fuzzy head poked out of a ragged little hole in the shell, and looked right up at Mitaka, who was standing closest. 

_Peep peep peep peep!_ it trilled.

"Oh, I--I'm sorry--" Mitaka stammered. "Is there any way to--to make it change its mind?"

Hux swallowed down his disappointment, which hadn't quite hit him yet--it was bubbling up on a low boil, and would surely get hotter, so he'd better speak now, while he was still clear-headed. "There's nothing that can be done," he said, through gritted teeth. "Imprinting can't be undone."

"I suppose we could ask Dr. Casu," Ren offered, hopeful. 

Hux pointed to the tiny gem-spitter, still peeping away, waiting for Mitaka to come pay attention to it--it hadn't taken its eyes away since the moment it had hatched. "Go ahead and take the bird to her," he commanded. "Find out what you need to know about taking care of it. We'll discuss what you'll be doing with the gems this afternoon. Go."

Mitaka made no delay in scooping up the baby bird, still peeping away, as gently as he could without dawdling. Then he hurried away. 

"Unbelievable," Hux said, the moment they were alone. "Absolutely unbelievable."

"If you'd..." Ren's attempt to snap back died almost the moment it began. There was no use in it now. "Well. You're right. Unbelievable. You do all that work..."

Hux thought for a moment, trying desperately to think of a solution. "If you went back to that planet, do you think you could find more of those eggs?"

"I couldn't guarantee it, General. But I wasn't looking for it last time, so it might be easier if I went back."

A slow smile poured across Hux's face. "Well. I suppose I'll have to send you back."

"When will I go?"

Hux pretended to be thoughtful. "Well, that remains to be seen. Perhaps we can meet later in the evening to discuss a schedule."

"A private meeting, Commander?"

Hux nodded. "Unless you'd like Mitaka and his new bundle of joy to join in."

Ren smiled, too. "That won't be necessary. I'll come to your quarters at dinnertime so we can devise a plan."

As Hux moved to leave the room, Ren added-- "I'm still pissed as hell about the egg, General."

"We'll get you a new one."

" _I'll_ get me a new one, more like."

"Try not to murder Mitaka out of jealousy, please."

"No promises. And Hux?"

"Hm?"

"You don't have to be so sneaky. I know why you want to meet."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Ren scoffed. "Sure you don't. I'll see you later, Hux."

Well. So much for those riches, Hux thought with just the littlest taste of sour in his mouth. But maybe there was something else he could keep warm in his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! Thanks for putting up with this silliness.

**Author's Note:**

> My Eggstravaganza idea took off and I realized it was going to be a multi-chapter affair! So I'm getting started now, posting the first little bit for you. This was suuuuper heavily influenced by the Pokemon games, which I've grown up playing and have no intention of giving up anytime soon, where you have to keep an egg with you in order for it to hatch--the first thing that sprang to mind when I heard about the eggstravaganza!


End file.
